Episode 015

How People-Pleasing affects Communication and Boundaries

Hosted by Jeremy de Tolly, featuring Hiba Balfaqih

About this Episode

What if the parts of you that you've spent years trying to hide are actually the parts that need to be understood?

In this episode of Radiant Voices, Jeremy de Tolly sits down with peak performance and inner alignment coach Ania Hulsman for a deeply personal conversation about masking, neurodivergence, belonging and what happens when we spend our lives trying to fit in.

Ania says: “Masking is a survival mechanism. We’re hardwired to fit in, so we suppress the parts of ourselves that aren’t accepted and mimic the behaviours that are.”

Ania shares her own experience of growing up between cultures, feeling like she didn't quite belong anywhere, and eventually understanding how neurodivergence had shaped the way she experienced herself and the world around her. Together, Jeremy and Ania explore why we mask, how masking can become a survival strategy, and why constantly trying to suppress the parts of ourselves that don't fit the environment can leave us exhausted. They also explore the relationship between neurodivergence, trauma, high sensitivity and the nervous system, including what happens when we are continually scanning our environment for what is acceptable, safe or expected.

The conversation moves into something even deeper: what becomes possible when we stop trying so hard to compensate for our perceived weaknesses and begin understanding and working with our own wiring instead? Ania shares how this process can involve grief, self-acceptance and nervous system work, including EFT and somatic practices.

Jeremy also brings the conversation into the world of communication and public speaking, exploring what happens when anxiety, past experiences and the body's protective responses show up when we become visible. This is ultimately a conversation about coming home to yourself. About recognising that you don't have to keep hiding. And about discovering that perhaps you were never broken in the first place. If you've ever felt like you're too much, not enough, difficult, different, or simply unable to fit yourself into the box everyone else seems to occupy, this conversation may give you a different way of seeing yourself.

You will learn:

● Why human beings are wired to seek belonging

● Why we develop masks and what they protect us from

● Neurodivergent masking and the exhaustion it can create

● The relationship between neurodivergence, trauma and the nervous system

● High sensitivity, empathy and sensory overwhelm

● What happens when high achievers constantly compensate for their perceived weaknesses

● Why understanding your own wiring can be liberating

● Grief as part of the unmasking process

● EFT, somatic processing and releasing stored stress

● What public speaking anxiety can teach us about safety in the body

● Why unmasking is a process rather than a switch