E036 - Consistency, Showing Up and FocusNov 02, 2020
Are you good at being consistent and showing up?
Are you focused, or do you tend to get distracted and pulled into 1000 things?
Do you have a lot of interests that you dabble with, or are you following through with just a few and going deep?
If you want to be more successful in the world, heal your trauma and negative conditioning, or empower and heal your voice, watch this episode about How to Be Consistent, Show Up and Focus.
Enjoy the video, or read the blog below!
So the new episode today is about showing up and consistency, with a side order of focus.
And really what I'm going to look at are the keys to succeeding, whether this is out in the world or successfully healing from and overcoming trauma for example. It's also about succeeding at what you could call it 'awakening' or 'illuminating yourself' or becoming incredibly present. And there's kind of a baseline in all of this, which is learning to live a more joyful life and succeeding at that.
Now many of us have got an ambivalent reaction to the word success. So I could say realizing it... realizing an abundant, joyful life where we're not being taken downtown by our trauma or a lack of money or whatever else annihilates our enjoyment of this life.
So... more joy, yes!
Okay so this is really based on my observation of who has a tendency to realize their goals? Or who ends up consistently feeling better. And on one level it's just so simple: Show up, be consistent, that's it. Maybe I should just finish the video right here because that's really it.
It's "show up and be consistent"! Develop this particular muscle – because sometimes I have clients come in and they flop in and then they flop out. Fine, we might not be a good match. But sometimes one can see that there's a pattern of just dipping into things throughout their whole life, but never really just showing up consistently for "that one thing" (or "that few things").
So whether it's your meditation or exercise or diet or studying or work and even play too, how are you at showing up?
And I really want to say that this thing is about focus too. So I'm going to talk about all of this later on but I just want to talk about how we begin with this. And one of them is that we begin by starting ugly. I think people sometimes have this idea that when you want to be really good at something, or if you really really want to heal, that it's going to be a fun experience or that it's going to reward you. And in my personal experience, we have to show up ugly for such a long time before things start looking good. I've quoted this story before – before my band was quite successful, we started by showing up in our horrible white matching suits with green ties. We looked awful. I think we sounded pretty awful. We thought were kind of semi fabulous (but scared witless) until we played the first show. And then we were just kind of confused afterwards like, Oh, what was that? How was that? And there was a long time of being kind of insecure and unsure. And I've seen that with pretty much everything in my life – that showing up ugly and going through the really long wobbly parts is really key. In other words if you only focus on what it feels like right now, the "Oh, this just feels so awkward", then you won't do it.
But good things happen when we focus on what it's going to be like in three years time? Or, "where will I be if I keep showing up, in 5 to 10 years time?" I
If we keep focusing on the feeling of future success and embodying the feeling of that, rather than the present conditioning of all of my "I cant's". And I think the truth is we won't know what we're doing for such a long time, because we've just started. We haven't done our 10,000 hours.
And so for a long time it's confusing and insecure, we'll be consumed by imposter syndrome. In other words, this feeling like other people know what they're doing and we don't and they can see that we're a fraud and a failure. And working through imposter syndrome or going through it and doing it anyways is an incredibly powerful signal to our nervous system and our energy field that we can and that we will. But it frequently won't feel inspiring or validating. It's definitely not going to be validating for quite some time. And it's not necessarily for the faint of heart or maybe a better way of saying it is that we develop heart for it. By showing up gently and self lovingly, We develop the heart for this thing of playing a bigger game. And what I mean by that is living a life where we aren't captured by our trauma, or doing the work that we really want to do in the world, or really believing that we can contribute and that we do actually have a kind of a purpose or something beautiful and valuable to contribute to this short, crazy, beautiful life.
So no one's going to applaud us for a long, long time but I urge all of us and myself included to have heart and try and keep trying and keep showing up and trusting. And just the act to showing up consistently is the game changer. And if you don't have this muscle developed yet make showing up the one thing that you want to become good at because everything else will follow. It's so foundational.
Like if you can't show up to your healing journey consistently and you regularly collapse and go into depression or paralysis or numbness or deep anxiety and flooding, learn to show up consistently. This will be the one thing that will help you heal because if you can't consistently heal, then it's really hard. I'm going to say also with all of this, don't as best as we can do this with heart, but don't take it all too seriously. Definitely, don't take me too seriously, I'm just trying my best too.
So let's keep moving: ways to set yourself up for success. I think this is a huge one and I really love it, is get inspired, train and learn, keep growing. I think that if there's an element of adventure and growing and learning and the cycles of enthusiasm are really awesome for our system. So if we just keep it inside the same knowledge set and a reality that we're in, I think we get really bored and potentially depressed. So spend the money, train... learn. And now I really want to say this about healing. And it took me a long time to realize this. Probably 10, 12 years of my healing journey to realize this, I just kept on going for healing sessions and to workshops. And it was kind of a consumption of healing practices. And the game changer was when I started training in healing techniques. And I didn't necessarily consider myself a healer while I trained in them. But then a paradigm shift happened which was that by training in the techniques I became a healer. And just doing the training provided deep healing and as a bonus I became a healer. I wasn't healed when I started healing by no means, but just in the act of learning these techniques and helping other people, it began to shift me much more deeply than standing on the sidelines. So I'm saying spend the money. Another way, if you can, is spend the money on getting support. I've said this many times but weekly one-on-ones are a game changer.
I did a bit of a calculation. I think I've probably received at least 12 to 15 years worth of weekly one-on-ones. I've received them. I am still in supervision and I am religious about showing up to my supervisor, Who's a clinical psychologist and a mentor pretty much every week unless he's sick or I'm sick, which almost never happens. And so for example Bill and I have been working together for three and a half years, and it is absolutely supporting my journey. And my observation is those who really show up, if you need to heal or you need to learn, or you want to grow in something, get coached, get mentored, do psychotherapy with a woo woo bent. That's my personal preference, but show up for the work. It really, I would personally especially if you want to heal or you want to heal you your voice, make it close to a number one priority. It's just not going to happen through dabbling. It's not going to happen through episodic checking in and hoping that things will get fixed.
Get mentored, get supported, get coached. And if you're out there putting stuff in the world, it really helps to have checks and balances. Or you're in relationship. Someone who's going to tell you that you're being an asshole or that you're acting out or that you're maybe just kind of starting to drink your own potion and just kind of lose your way. We all have blind spots. I definitely do. And I have no doubt you do too. And have people that will help you see yours and help you heal through them and help you feel supported because man, we could all do with support.
So all of these will help to train the muscles of consistency. It's a whole other subject, which at sometime at some point I will talk about is learning to live in flow. So learn to do what feels like it's flowing. Sometimes it feels like it's flowing to sit in front of the television and not show up for your practice. So we really need to learn the difference between flow and avoidance, but learn to live in flow through the act of showing up a lot. That's a whole subject of its own.
This is such an important one: Show up to learn how to get clear inner guidance from yourself; learn to follow your heart. Because you can do what I've done, which is sometimes spend years or half a decade doing stuff I didn't really love because I just wasn't getting clear inner guidance and I wasn't being mentored. And the times when I haven't been tuning into that level of inner guidance, I've kind of flopped around flip flop flip flop. And you can waste, I don't want to say waste they were really valuable years in their own way. But if you want to go the direct route, learn to get clear inner guidance. Because I do feel that there's a more direct heart path that your being could do, if you would just listen. And very frequently, I've not listened and done a whole lot of stuff that actually really just grabbed my energy, wasted time and I got deeply involved with, and then kind of within a few years realized I was just not actually doing the right thing. I actually didn't love this work at all, there was time to leave. And so anyway, I've had a very windy life route and you can maybe go on a straighter one. So I've said it already support yourself with counseling coaching but show up good food, sleep, exercise and so on.
And here's just a little one, but it's kind of an NB one, is work with people who show up consistently – find these unicorns who show up consistently. I've had consistently good fortune to work with people who are really consistent and show up. I'm going to give a shout out to my homie Dave, from the Dirty Skirts. He and I formed an incredible partnership, where we both just showed up a lot. And the same happened in my musical journey with Tom from Original Swimming Party. And then in my healing and spiritual life, I've really had a lot of other people that have showed up a lot. Thank you Fiona, for being one of those people. And I've had a number of people like that throughout my whole life, as well as friends. I must just say also friends who show up consistently. I'm not going to list you, because then I might leave some people out, but my friends who've shown up consistently to love me and see me and accept me and support me just by being in my life. What a thing, what a thing! So thank you all for showing up consistently.
Here's some things to avoid. If you're flip-flopping between things and that's happening potentially months or even years, try and look at that focus thing. Grow your oeuvre, or get clear about what you're here for.
Get deep into the guidance, watch out for Lily pads. In other words, Oh I could do that, Or maybe I could earn money over there, or maybe I could do that 'cause it's the nearest thing that you can see. I've done this many times. In fact, many times I've lived from Lily pad to Lily pad to Lily pad 'cause I didn't have the courage or the clarity of how to look for what I really wanted or even face the fact that I had deep doubts that I could have what I wanted from my life. So watch out for Lily pads, try and go straight for what your heart calls. Sometimes it's difficult. There's a whole other video on that.
Check out distraction. In other words being over committed or just watching too much TV, internet, news, social media, whatever your distractions are alcohol, drugs, sex, whatever they are. If you're getting consumed by those, just know that that it might be at the cost of you living a life that you love. Watch out for being over-committed to WhatsApp groups, Facebook groups, other communities, social groups, too many, too many jobs, too many hobbies. I love this phrase, which I'm going to misquote from the Bible, but it's something like, "When thine eye be single, thy body be full of light".
The more singular we are, the more we're going to succeed or heal or emancipate our voice or live in joy. So watch out for the content, the podcasts, the media all the things, decrease one's interests and become singular. So if your energy is going out there and getting consumed by all kinds of really just addictions.
And so in summary you get clear on your direction, follow the heart but be religious and being consistent in showing up. And I urge you to be kind to yourself, but also develop these muscles. Get help, learn, and grow, have fun. You can do it.
And ultimately, I suppose all we can really do is find joy and contribute to the wellbeing of ourselves and others. And having done all of this and all of this massive showing up and lived a joyful and contributory and just very human life. And we'll have worked all of this out... We will have nailed it probably just before we die and BOOM, then our time will be over. What a crazy, short & beautiful life it was.
So thank you for sharing this time about showing up and being consistent. What landed for you? I just poured this out. I hope it was useful.