When Did You Feel Comfortable in Your Skin?Sep 05, 2022
Yesterday I was running before dawn, with my head torch bobbling out a thin arc of white light. As I huffed and puffed in the freezing darkness, I remembered something awkward and painful from when I was 20 years old.
I remembered being in a club called The Playground, filled with cool kids dressed in black. I was talking to an older guy called Roy, who had drummed in a cool band and had confident PRESENCE.
Roy was wearing a blue and white polka dot, oversized collared shirt, which at the time was kind of dangerous and hip.
I'd had a few drinks, and at such times could be 'a bit mouthy' (understatement). I was teasing Roy, and I was being a little too enthusiastic.
Having had enough he turned to me and said, 'If you carry on speaking I'll punch you in the face'.
I started to speak again and he threatened, 'say another word and I'll punch you in the face'.
I shut up, and soon went home with my tail between my legs. Honestly, I was filled with remorse.
I felt ashamed, deeply embarrassed and mortified. Like, there I go again.
It stayed with me for days, maybe weeks. I mean, I can still remember it!
Now I should probably spend some time talking about "being too much", or as some call it, "a binge talker".
If I was writing a book, I would trace back to the many times as a teen when I went through bullying, intimidation, being "too much" and all of the subtle patterning that resulted in a neurotic 20 year old who felt like people didn't like him.
When I'm working with clients, people tell me so many stories of bullying of different kinds. It usually starts in the family...
Has your brother or sister, mom or dad, or someone at school ever left their mark on you with teasing, threatening or worse?
We might not always think of these things as bullying, but looking deeper I find that most people have been through some form of this.
This can leave us not feeling fully safe in the world, or free to be our wild, beautiful and loving selves.
For a long time I didn't trust my voice. I didn't trust what came out of it and I didn't trust myself to say it right.
Do you resonate with this in any way?
Learning to trust our VOICES is within our power. One of the gifts in this work is learning to p a u s e when communicating. Through that we can learn to trust that we'll express exactly how we feel in the moment – without regret.
I've learned to feel completely comfortable in my skin around other human beings.
The rewards of the work are to feel deeply comfortable to be ourselves. To feel completely acceptable.
...So the next time your bright, beautiful self wants to speak:
P a u s e
Feel your body wherever you stand or are seated
Drop into your heart
Speak (or sing!)
And trust that you're able to express exactly how you feel, in the moment.
You can learn more about feeling comfortable in your skin, expressing yourself with ease and confidence and learn to love your voice in my signature online course Awaken Your Radiant Voice. If you sign up to be notified when it starts, I'll let you know when I run free workshops too.